Are you hungry for a delicious sandwich? How about a delicious sandwich that’s so decadent and calorie-laden that it’s an affront to modesty and decency?
Why not have both? With the Elvis Sandwich, you can!
Many words have been written about the Elvis Sandwich, and there’s little that I can say that hasn’t already been said before. If you’ve tried it, you probably loved it.
And if you haven’t tried it because you have no sense of joy or child-like wonder left in your cold, cold heart, or if you were turned off simply by looking at the list of ingredients, then there’s probably also little that I can say to win you over.
Therefore, I’ll just give you the recipe that I use. I only make them about once per year (for Elvis Week, around the second week of August) because it takes about a year for my elevated cholesterol level to subside after eating the previous year’s sandwich. But still, that one time per year is a real treat!
Here it is, in all its glory:
Quick and Easy Recipe: Elvis Sandwich
A delicious, decadent, and slightly absurd sandwich. Legend has it that this was Elvis Presley's favorite. It's also fun to play around and customize it--you can add or subtract ingredients to your liking and it'll still probably be ridiculous. But that's the beauty of it!
5OuncesPenitenceCan substitute in simple regret if you have no penitence left; Don't use self-loathing, though, as it's too heavy.
In a large pan or griddle, cook the bacon until crispy. Remove when done and place on a paper towel to absorb a minuscule amount of grease. Don't worry that it's a minuscule amount because this sandwich is about living large.
Assemble the rest of the sandwich while the bacon is cooking. Smear peanut butter on the bread; chunky is obviously the best but if you want some weak sauce, go ahead and use creamy, but don't argue with me about it in the comments section. Mash the banana and put it onto peanut butter. Honey and jam are optional.
Just kidding, of course they're not optional. If we're going to do this, c'mon, let's do this!
Now comes the moment of truth. Put the bacon on the sandwich, fold the two halves together, and then fry the sandwich in the remaining bacon fat. You heard me.
Don't overthink it, simply cross yourself (if you're Catholic) and throw that bad mama jama in that grease. Just jump, and you can build your wings on the way down, as Ray Bradbury said.
Once the bottom side is golden (in oh so many ways), turn the sandwich and fry the other side.
Remove sandwich from pan, slice diagonally (as dictated by scripture), and enjoy with a glass of milk.
BONUS RECIPE! If you happen to have extra waffles laying around (and really, you should), you can basically put all that stuff on top and make an Elvis Waffle. It's also amazing and well worth trying!
And there you have it, the keys to the kingdom! I think this is also the point where I’m supposed to insert some punny joke about it being “A Sandwich Fit For The King.”
Have you ever made an Elvis Sandwich? Do you have any tips, tricks, or hacks? Perhaps you’re a mad scientist who has managed to invent a way to fry all of the other ingredients individually, before frying everything in the bacon fat? If so, I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below.